Of Potatoes
by kitizl
Summary: The fall of potatoes, meant the fall of all.
1. Murder

**A/N: Hello there! It's been a long time, hasn't it? Yes, it has. Well, my school has begun again, and so I thought this one story would keep something going. And this, as usual, is creepily stupid.**

* * *

The Potatoes were the kindest beings anyone could think of. And of course, if there was a Potato murdered, then the murderer was not a potato. It was that simple.

But unfortunately, the Potato Police Department (Or the PPD) were highly stupid. Which is why, the only observation or deduction they made, was that the killer, was not a Potato.

Oh, and yes, a Potato was murdered. Massacred.

The Potato was murdered in lone alley, were the Potato Felines loved to stroll once the dusk breaks. And this lone Potato, , walked up the alley for some godforsaken reason. And the PPD were too dense to figure out how he was killed. And who did they turn to? L, of course.

L.

The century's greatest detective.

It gets a bit tiring, since almost every single story about L starts with that line.

So, let me tweak it a bit.

The century's looniest detective.

Why?

Because he agreed to investigate the murder of Mr Crunchy.

* * *

"Wait, could you please repeat your name?", L said slowly over the microphone. Apparently, Potatoes didn't hear quite well.

"My name, L" the man – I mean Potato – said, "is DI Lays. Is there a problem?"

"Not at all. It's just that... You're a pretty unusual client."

"Am I?", Lays chuckled.

"Never mind," L wiped his mouth. "So, what is the matter?"

"A 15 month old Potato of the name was killed in a lone alley on Saturday."

"Time of Death?"

"3 am, on Saturday."

"And how was he killed?"

"He was stepped on, L."

"Stepped... on?"

"Yes."

"You're serious?", L frowned.

"With that, we here at PPD have deduced that our killer is not a Potato."

"Wow", L rolled his eyes. "That must have taken some brainwork, didn't it?"

"No, actually. We Potatoes don't have brains."

"Riiight", L thought.

"Instead we have a complex network of xylems and phloems, that are mixed and matched with several lines of carbohydrate peptides."

"Okay. Can we move on to the case instead of discussing Potato Anatomy?"

"Apologies. Here are the files that concerns the murder of Mr Crunchy" Lays sent the file over the Skype conversation. "If that will be all."

"No," L shouted. "No, actually. Do you drive vehicles?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know, vehicles. Ones with engines. And horns."

"No, we don't. We walk."

"You what?"

"We walk."

"Okay", L thought, writing a small note. "Potatoes have legs."

"Thank you. You've helped me solve half the investigation already."

"I shall be of any assistance possible."

"I bet." L bit his lip, as he closed the skype window.

He leaned back on his chair, and took in a deep breath. Death of a Potato. How come this wasn't all over the news?

* * *

L slurped his sugar syrup, and looked at his projected screen consisting of all the data in the screen.

"Alright, so this is what we know about the case," he spoke to himself, Watari standing at the edge of the door, pretty worried.

"A middle aged potato was found treaded on, and it seems to me that the PPd has done an excellent job, since that is exactly what the pictures of the Potato looks like. Don't you think Watari? Yes, it does. Also, we know that it is a vehicle, since the tread marks on the crunched Potato looks like one of those Bridgestone tyres. This narrows the list down.

"We have fifteen different automobile related industries near Potatoville, only five of them use Bridgestone, and out of them five, only two hate the Potatoes, since they had land disputes. The only one who went overboard was this company called, _Onion and Co. _Who are literally, the villains of _Carbohydrate buddies _which possibly means that the members of Onion and Co could have killed them.

"One of the workers there, was an ex-criminal who is now on parole for gassing the Tear gas in the Vegetable Parliament. His name was, Lacrima Treary. Watari, send in a word to the Onon Police Department, to check for forensic evidence of Potato bits stuck in his automobile. And please, get me some cake."

Watari gulped a bit, and said slowly, "L, are you quite all right?"

"Yes, I am," L turned round to see Watari's white face. "Why should you ask?"

"Why are you solving the murder of a Potato? They aren't really that significant in our lives, are they?"

"What?" L threw his steel cup down on the floor. Watari was terrified. He almost burst a vein.

"Imagine of the murder of the Potato went unnoticed. Then the other Potatoes would think, _hmmm, not quite bad. Nobody would bother if that Potato I hated died. Interesting _and would go on a killing spree! This could topple the ecological balance of all vegetables, and it would cause more than a million deaths, making this as worse as the Kira case!"

"But why would you switch for something so... ordinary? I mean, we are the God of all vegetables. Why this?"

"Because..."

L stood up, and looked intently at Watari's white face.

"It is my responsibility as a RADISH!"

He then calmed down. "Also... I always wanted to know them. You see, I had no idea that potatoes had legs today."

"Me neither", Watari calmed down too.

* * *

And for those who are interested in what actually happened, this was what.

Lacrima hated . How happy he was, without any punishments of sorts. In fact, his main objective was to create crime in Potatoville by starting the forest fire. But thanks to the Radish detective L, he was stopped.

Lacrima had driven his RUV (Root Utility Vehicle) over , and the RUV was almost five times the size of the Potato. As soon as was killed, he went back home quickly.

The OPD found traces of the peptide carbohydrate strands on the tyre tracks, and soon enough, Lacrima was arrested for life.

As for L, he had saved the peace between the Vegetable nations, for, this collapse of Potatoville meant the collapse of everything. It is to do with their origin story, but that's for another day. You've had enough for the day.

But really, have you?

I think not.

Lacrima Treary was dead in his cell, due to a heart failure, despite the fact that he didn't have a heart.


	2. Hit and Run

**A/N: Although, _Of Potatoes _was actually intended to be a single chapter fanfic, I have decided to make it a collection of fanfictions, starting with the one, you are reading, right now.**

* * *

"TO HELL WITH POTATOES!", Light yelled, as he dashed back to his room. Souchiro sighed, and slouched into the sofa. It was abnormally comfortable.

As Light shut the door, he leaned on it, curled himself into a small ball, and began crying.

Well, yes, what else would an eight year old do, when his/her father is transferred to some godforsaken country, for the death, of a potato?

Since when did Radishes care about Potatoes, anyway?

Yes, apparently, a potato reported a hit and run case in east Potatoville. And well, who better to call, than the best Radish detective who everyone knows, Souchuro Yagami.

Let's get back to Light Yagami.

He removed some of his tears, along with which some root hairs also fell off. He controlled himself, and sat at his study desk, and began studying. That's all that helped him. Studying.

"The DNA is the fundamental unit of genes, as groups of them, clump in numbers to form coloured strains known as chromosomes. Given below are the chromosomal numbers of the common races, here on Veggieworld. Number of chromosomes in Onions, unknown. Number of chromosomes in Beans, 22, Radish, 18, Potatoes..."

The blasted race again.

"The number of bloody chromosomes in the bloody potato", Light said, using as much as curse words he could muster to express his hatred for the race, "are 48."

48.

Light moved back from the table, and paused for a second. He took a notebook out, and started scribbling an equation. He rubbed a few variables, added a few derivatives, integrated the 7.8 over the x squared, then cross multiplied the dot product of the Zigweisser finite series. He paused again, stared into the clouds outside, and pulled out his history textbook. He flipped towards Religion, and he read the first line. "The Holy Mash, sat under the Potato Tuber, for 48 months, 48 days, 48 minutes, 48 seconds, and 48 milliseconds, in order to establish the genetic code to create the race, today known as Potatoes."

48.

He stood up, in clear shock.

"This is why." he muttered. "This is why Potatoes are important. They have the godly number. 48. The number that governs us all."\

He blinked as he hit upon the truth. "The fall of potatoes, meant the fall of everything."

He immediately, opened the door, and ran downstairs, and hugged his father, who was about to leave.

"I'm sorry father!", he cried. "I didn't understand before! I'm sorry!"

Souchiro smiled sadly, and hugged him back. "I'll tell you what Light. I'll allow you to help me in on this case."

Light pushed himself away, and smiled in tempestuous glee. A case. With potatoes.

* * *

_East Potatoville, 1600 hours._

"Everyone. EVERYONE! This is DI Radish Souchiro Yagami, and his son. They are going to help us out with the hit and run case.", DI Potato Lays said.

The potatoes controlled a snigger. Light didn't understand why.

"Thank you, DI Lays. My name is DI Souchito Yagami, you all can call me Mr Yagami. I'll be needing everything you have on the case."

"Here you go," a young potato walked and held out on single sheet of paper, with two lines written on it. Yagami held it, and read it out.

"A common potato was brushed past, by an unknown, but yellow, truck." Yagami read. "You're kidding me, right? Who was it? Did you get a hold of the registration of the vehicle?"

"Nada." Lays replied.

Yagami sighed. He looked for his son, who managed to break the password in the potato-looking computer, and began solving the case. Oh, well.

* * *

"Done." Light sighed, as his father woke up, to find a whole stack of papers in front of him. "Light, what is this?"

"The result, father, is that it wasn't a hit and run. It was a false accusation of an onion, who disguised as a potato, in order to lodge accusation against the potatoes. The onion, named, Nion.O. He was previously arrested for Grand Theft Auto, and, well, theft. He was just released a few months ago on parole. He was short on money, because of which he enrolled in an international war between Potatoes and Onions, which was planned to make the Onions win."

"How did you know because it was Onions?"

"Simple. Potatoes have a chromosomal count of 48. Onions' chromosomal count cannot be determined, whatsoever. So, I went to the county impound while you were asleep, and I took some starch sample from the chassis, and I checked the chromosomal count using my microscope over there. I wasn't able to determine the amount the chromosomes, but just to be sure, I got a potato starch sample. It has exactly 48, with a tetra_"

"So you compared the chromosomal count, and you realized that it was an onion."

"Exactly. So, basically, I gave the starch sample to the Onion PD, and they were able to pinpoint the criminal. Nion.O"

"Brilliant."

"After all, the fall of potatoes, meant the fall of everything."

"Yes, but why?"

"War, father, war." Light said, as he hugged him again.

Little does he know that, War, was coming, and the Radishes ... Let's keep it for the next story, shall we?


End file.
